WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
