if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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