i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
