are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
