Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
