Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
