Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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