Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
