What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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