I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
