my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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