just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
