We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
