Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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