I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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