i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
