OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
