yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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