3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
