she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
