i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
