i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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