I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
