ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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