I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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