wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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