she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
