No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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