so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
