You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
