I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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