and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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