just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
