He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
