im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize