I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
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I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
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I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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