it was like his penis was on wheels.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
