Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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