i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Dear god my vagina.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
