let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
