I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
