wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
