my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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