Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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