He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
