i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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