Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
