If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
