just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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