3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wannas sexs uuuuu
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
