Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
