she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Mom said you looked used
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
