I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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