it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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