He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
