So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
