I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
