I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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